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School is like an erection. It`s long and hard unless you`re Asian.
They say swearing is due to limited vocabulary. I know thousands of words, but I still prefer`f*ck off` to `go away`.
Was building a website for women drivers ... Bloody thing kept crashing.
Ladies, life is short. So buy the shoes!
Not to brag, but they know me by name at the liquor store and the police station.
I got in the shower with my slippers still on this morning. Is this the start of dementia or the continuum of stupidity I wonder?
If you piss off a girl, just play dead. That sh!t works with bears and they`re just as dangerous as angry women.
Im afraid to go outside or even sit next to a window during an lightening storm. Im afraid that I`ll get zapped! I`m scared that God is gonna get me!!!
Lets not kid ourselves, if the zombie apocalypse broke out, there are a couple people we would swear were zombies so we could shoot them
Ladies and Gentleman, I`ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There`s never enough beer.
Don`t fall in love, learn how to ruin your life all by yourself.
Pokémon means a totally different thing if you`re stuck in prison.
My head has that drunk on cheap alcohol feel without me getting to actually drink the alcohol :(
Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine. And you know what else? Back in my day we rode our bikes without helmets and we turned out fine.
Learned a lesson from my dog tonight ... No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that sh1t and move on.