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The expiration date on my credit card is 4/20 and it always gets a good laugh when Im ordering pizza for delivery.
Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.
Driving with your gas tank door open is the equivalent to having your zipper down.
"No I don’t need any help. I know more about booze than you do" - Me to the liquor store clerk
Todays hot tip: Boomerangs and Attention Deficit Disorder don`t mix.
I just called the Alcohol Hotline and those bastards don`t even deliver.
I`m single by choice. Not MY choice. But it`s still a choice
There`s no mirrors in this self checkout?!?
You might be a REDNECK if you think S.T.O.P. means spin tires on pavement!! :)) lol
There are a lot of side effects to smoking weed. Like never shutting up about the fact that you smoke weed.
Well if you didn`t want me to fall in love with you, why did you tell me you had nachos?
I`d rather SH!T in my hands and clap!
I just lost my mood ring, I don`t know how I feel about that.
2015 and I still can`t believe it`s not butter!
When your Dr. says "I`ll need to Google that"..... it`s time to change Doctors