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People assume when I yawn that I`ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
At least my motivation gets to sleep in.
Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
Step One: Always have a solid alibi.
Facebook should win an Emmy for Best Daytime Dramas.
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I`m making important life decisions.
"Holy sh!t, that guy eats a lot of pizza" -people that walk by my house on recycling day.
They act like technology is ruining childhood, but back in the day, kids were so bored they would turn their eyelids inside out for fun.
This Tequila tastes like an afternoon of fun and bad decisions.
I consider "Not Dishwasher Safe" to be more of a challenge than a warning.
I’m not a “stalker”. I want to make sure you’re okay at all times. You can look at me as an unpaid bodyguard.
Alcohol doesn`t get people drunk, people get people drunk. Drunk people get other drunk people extra drunk.
The hardest thing about my juice cleanse is trying to juice Snickers
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.
I must have drank more than I thought last weekend...there`s an entire hour that I don`t remember!