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The best nicknames are the ones people don`t know they have.
Kids....because who doesn`t enjoy a fun game of "What the hell is that smell and whose room is it coming from?"
I wish my GPA looked like the gas prices right now...
Calm down! I`m not officially late until I actually get there.
A mistress is something between a Mister and a mattress.
I am the undefeated champion of this”smooshing-down-the-garbage-so-I-don’t-have-to-take-it-out-for-another-day” game.
If wookies have a 400 year life span, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca`s third dog.
I don`t like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I`m leaving!
I just got a piece of mail that says "open immediately" but I`m gonna wait a few minutes.
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
I knew we would be the best of friends when you said drinks are on you
If you think buying condoms is awkward, you should try returning them.
My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
Apparently, driving past police cars while drinking water from an old vodka bottle isn`t `funny` and is technically `wasting` police time
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.