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Nothing makes you feel more like a kid than the right breakfast cereal. Lucky Charms for me please!
If suppositories were just a bit smaller, they would be a whole lot easier to swallow...........................
Is the CEO of Kraft also known as The Big Cheese?
"This is bullsh!t" - bull farmer giving barn tours
You health nuts are gonna feel real stupid when you`re laying in the hospital dying of nothing.
Dad: Son its a fact that masturbation can lead to blindness. Me: Dad... Im over here ..
Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous ... You`re practically begging for typos.
I miss that feeling you`d get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
There`s a reason why natural disasters have female names.
Me: But where do you see this relationship in five years? Her: Sir! For the last time, do you want extra cheese or not?
You can tell a man`s age by how close their socks are to their knees.
Just saw a guy driving while eating ice cream. F*cking sundae drivers.
What is depression? Depression is when you buy a new hula-hoop and it fits you.
uncle Sam can`t be related to me because family wouldn`t do me like this.
Look!!! I am always here for you no matter what,OK? unless there is something good on tv or I`m eating pie