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When I see you in hell I`ll still ignore you
My fortune cookie read "End of roll. Replace"
Most kids today wont understand the joy of playing with the telephone cord.
I answered the door in my underwear. That WAS the tip, pizza guy!
loves driving down the road and just waving at random people like you know them!:D
Why do people post pictures of missing people on facebook?...like we are going outside.
Fox canceled Cops. So I guess if I want to stay current on what my family is up to now, I`ll have to turn to Facebook.
I didn`t get drunk enough last night, I can still remember working.
The only beachfront property I`ll ever be able to afford is a sandcastle.
If they made a movie of my life, it would just be a lot of scenes where I`m looking for something to wipe my hands on.
According to my roommate`s diary, I have boundary issues.
You have to PAY for a speeding ticket?! I thought it was a reward for beating other drivers..
People go on and on about the length of Subway`s sandwiches but how come nobody talks about their girth?
Young enough to know I can. Old enough to know I shouldn`t. Stupid enough to do it anyway.
Sometimes in life, all you really need is a lot of money.