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I shook the vending machine until my chips fell, so yeah, I’m a hunter-gatherer.
I don`t get along with Hipster kids. Not a fan of the smell of thrift stores.
How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
Whenever our neighbor`s dog is barking, I know there`s either someone at their door or literally anything else in the universe has happened.
This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, “Would you please press 1?” So I did. I don’t remember much afterwards.
Step 1: remove food from packaging Step 2: dig packaging out of trash to locate cook time
I wish I had my own private chauffeur. . . . Then I could really commit to being an alcoholic!
My therapist says I am too preoccupied by vengeance.... We`ll see about that.
"I can`t believe it`s not clutter." ~ A recovering hoarder
If she burns the bacon, she`s no good bro
At what number beer are you offically not working from home anymore?
A blind man walks into a bar....and a stool....and a table....
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.
I wonder if Brazil has a wax museum?
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?