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I need plastic surgery to fix whatever it is about my face that gives people the impression I want to hear about their relationship problems.
It`s so cold out, I just seen a woman in 2 pairs of pajamas at Walmart...
Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or sexier than you. That would be me.
If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently
Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than a dinner for two.
Is it just me, or that sea witch Ursula from the Little Mermaid inspired from a full blown flamboyant drag queen?
I`m tired of things costing money
Half the time spent on Facebook is likely spent by creeping people and /or staring at the screen waiting for something interesting to happen.
If I had to describe myself in one word, it would be "bad at following directions."
I`d like to thank the bars for being there for me.
Life…it’s just an “F” in lie.
I don`t know what I`d do without coffee...Probably twenty five to life in the state penitentiary.
You know I feel the frustration that The Skipper endured because there are days that I too am surrounded by Gilligans
I just slammed hard on the brakes and found 3 lighters, $4.67 in change, condom box, empty flask, half an 1/8th, and a puppy.
This healthy diet thing is dangerous. I just cut myself peeling an apple. This would have never happened to me with a twinkie.