Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Note to Denver Broncos: Marijuana is NOT a performance enhancing drug!
I just can`t seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently. English and Klingon.
Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business.
Went into a five-star hotel to use the bathroom and now it`s a two-star hotel.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I`m alright, but I feel like, well, like I`ve dyed a little inside.
Timeouts just give children a quiet place to plot your murder.
Dating should be like buying a car... You should get to talk to the previous owners! SHOW ME THE MANFAX
Pro tip: Do not make snow angels in a dog park.
Saying something stupid and thinking “Yeah, that sounded way better in my head"
Giving people the finger while driving just isn`t effective. Which is why I had the catapult installed.
Just once I want my boss to assume I`m tired in the morning because I fight crime all night, not because of all the booze I drank.
The one who laughs last is the slowest. The one who laughs first has the dirtiest mind.
Don’t start an argument with a girl because they have 45030194 GB memories and will bring up something you did at 2:27PM on April 23rd 2008.
thjeo oskl asopa joa sajksla wioj apska shul bhcgy ....Yes I just wasted your time ;)
Boomerangs can be quite dangerous if you`ve got alzheimers.