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If someday we all go to prison for downloading Movies and TV shows, I just hope they split us up by genre.
I’ve robbed banks before and they’re never getting their pens back.
By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn`t yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance
I sleep better when I`m naked why can`t my boss understand this?!
You’re the reason I wake up everyday... Just kidding I have a job!!
A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn`t answer the phone.
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
Get real. No one’s going to form a single line if the building’s on FIRE.
If you`re gonna label the silica gel "do not eat", maybe you should label everything in the box. I almost ate a shoe before someone stopped me
I can eat anything in the house unless it was specifically bought for my wife but the only way to know it`s for her is to eat it. Apparently
"Well that can`t be right." - dogs watching us catching balls with our hands
Sarcasm is wasted on the idiots who inspire it.
Hey baby, wanna come to myspace and twitter my yahoo `till i google all over your facebook?
I`m at the age where if someone says "Go big or go home," I`m usually fine with going home.
Every wanna answer every question with a middle finger? That`s kinda where I am today.