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Why are there stitch marks on zombies? Who the heck is giving them medical attention?!
Is it rude to throw breath mints in someones mouth while they`re talking?
i don`t care if u don`t like me ........... i am not a facebook status:D
One day you will die, but every other day you won’t. So that’s pretty great, right? ... Inspirational posts are hard.
I accidentally called 911, so I set my house on fire so I wouldn`t look stupid.
These old people at the bus stop really suck at paintball.
Did you hear about the Cannibal that "passed" his Uncle in the Jungle?...............
Hey people who buy bottled water for their dogs, can I have some money?
These people keep looking at me like I`m the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just don`t understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
Sorry I missed your call. I was peeing and had both hands full.
My therapist recommended I quit growling at people...
If my walls could talk, they`d probably say "stop running into me you idiot"
I`ve never heard an alarm going off on a car worth stealing.
I`ll be busy tonight taking my girlfriend out to dinner and then having sex all night. Is what I`d be saying if I had money ... or a girlfriend