Daily Silly Status

I believe in karma that means I can do bad things to people I don’t like and assume they deserved it.

I love the show Gotham....OBSESSED!!! But they constantly have the Twitter hashtag #gotham in the corner of the screen, and I`m always thinking..."No I don`t have ham! But I want ham." Sometimes I miss parts of the showing thinking about the fact that I don`t have ham..... Obviously I need to have ham on the menu every Monday night. #noidontgotham

I’m the kind of guy who dreams about naps while I’m asleep.

Life is what happens when your cell phone is charging.

Talked to someone in person today....what a pain in the a$$ that was!

Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone`s mouth while they`re talking?

You know you are old when your birthday suit doesn`t fit anymore.

Saw a flying saucer today. It appeared right after the flying cup that my wife threw at me.

Here’s the thing about work: I really don’t feel like doing any.

Its awkward touching hands with another man in a popcorn bag, especially if you don`t know the man & he doesn`t know you`re eating his popcorn

I may be wrong, but I doubt it.

I will probably die as a result of being sarcastic to the wrong person at the wrong time.

People go on and on about the length of Subway`s sandwiches but how come nobody talks about their girth?

Sometimes.. late at night... I fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend I am a meatball.

I found a penny today that reminded me of you. Totally worthless and always in a stranger`s pants.