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My driver`s side window stopped working,,,, So yeah,, I`m probably gonna starve to death..
Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat.
I gauge a person’s wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary.
The only way I want to see your ultrasound picture is if you`re having a velociraptor.
I slept on my neck funny and today I will be turning my whole body like Batman every time I have to look at something.
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not as funny when you live by yourself.
Okay im going to make myself a sandwich, and i better have some votes when i come back. -.-
I`ve probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator
Swearing releases stress and that`s just one of the f*cking reasons I do it.
If people in horror movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
Im at my classiest when my neighbor catches me begging my dog to sh!t faster because it`s cold.
Facebook, the lost and found for people. . .
United Airlines was just voted number one in Chinese takeout!
I want to take this moment to thank the depends adult diaper company for allowing me to play my video game for a strait 8 hours uninterupted...
I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.