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What if pay-phones are disappearing so they can keep us in the matrix?
It must be hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest. I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
The only thing wrong with eary mornings is being awake.
You know you are old when your birthday suit doesn`t fit anymore.
Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn`t sing it out loud in public
It`s been discovered that 1% of the population is allergic to Gluten. The other 99% are sick and tired of hearing about it......
I am not sure, but I think I just heard my cup of coffee say, "You are my b*tch"
What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
CANT TOUCH THIS!! Na na na na.
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says "declined" whenever you use it.
Good Morning! A fresh cup of hot coffee and my FB page is up, just look at that, I already achieved all my goals for the day.
Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.
I just hope people who say "Jesus is my co-pilot" realize he`s a 1st century carpenter with no time in a flight simulator.
I organized a threesome last night....there were a couple of no shows, but I still had a good time