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I like to play fetch with my cat....which, you know, is just me throwing stuff,,, followed by disappointment.
The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.
My fantasy is having two men at once. One cooking. One cleaning.
I want someone to look at me the way I look at chocolate cake.
I found $40 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy dart guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, dart guns and candy".
Highschool Reunion? What for ? I`m on Facebook. I already know who got fat.
My bank is the worst. They`re charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can`t even afford to be broke.
I`m tired of things costing money
The first thing I do when I get a telemarketer call is say "Let`s go off script. What are you wearing?"
I hate being bi-polar. It`s awesome.
For the love of God, single people, stop looking for love or you`ll end up married.
I don’t have a problem with friends who ask to borrow money. I love a good laugh as much as the next guy.
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes.
Friending someone on Facebook and complaining about what they post is like phoning someone to tell them you don’t want to talk to them.
Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.