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why earn money when it comes easier when you just ask
I got drunk last night and watched the most hilarious television show for hours until I sobered up and realized it was just a mirror.
Look, all I`m saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time.
What I do when I black out is none of my business.
Vodka is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
sometimes i look at people and think really, thats the sperm that won.
If you speak too slowly, I will complete all your sentences in my mind in ways that makes your story much more interesting
The worst about the weekend?? The ending part.
Finally down to my pre-pregnancy/pre-kids weight...well...before my wife had kids I mean.
just wanted to tell the weekend that I love you and I will be back, I will not let the weekdays take me away from you.
Social media is great if you like socializing without wearing pants.
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
So, which one of you is going to be the subject of your local news` annual turkey fryer accident story?
If goldfish crackers actually tasted like goldfish-- wait, I just realized I`ve never tasted a goldfish. What if the crackers are accurate?
I would love to kill you with kindness, but all I have is this knife.