Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through.
"Just be yourself" doesn`t work if you suck.
Ever work out and think "wow I really needed that"? That`s how I feel about the chocolate chip cookie I just ate.
Some days I’d like to take a chainsaw and cut a few branches off my family tree.
Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles
I don`t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence...but hey, somebody has to do it!
No one ever said life was easy, but several people did say that you were.
One of my favorite discoveries about adulthood is that there are literally no rules stopping you from eating an entire row of Oreos at once.
Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible
Why is the guy who serves you at the restaurant called a waiter, when it is you that is waiting?
Money can`t buy happiness, but somehow it`s a lot better to cry in a Mercedes than it is to cry on a bike...
How big does a cupcake have to be before it’s just a cake?
I get very competitive at "All You Can Eat Buffets."
I google myself sometimes just to know what the hell I`m up to. ;)
So exactly what age will I stop falling over while trying to put on my underwear?