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Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.
No body on there deathbed said I wish I had spent more time at work
You don`t have to like me, I`m not a Facebook status.
I advise you...don`t mess with me, I know karate, kung fu,judo, tae kwon do, jujitsu, and 28 other dangerous words.
I need my decision making privileges taken away.
I like to log into facebook and leave a status just to show I`m here. Or am I?
Someone told me the camera adds 10 pounds and I was like why would anyone eat a camera you idiot?
I`m pretty sure if someone broke into my house, my dog would just show them how much he likes to lick his balls
I’m eating just in case I get hungry later
I’m a pervert, but in a romantic way.
Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
It’s never too late for a coffee. After all it’s always morning somewhere in the world.
You really are the cat`s pajamas, and by that I mean you`re a stupid idea.
Ladies: If he’s right handed, and you find the mouse to the left of the computer monitor, there is only one explanation. Sorry Guys.