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I don`t know how the law of averages works, but you`d think after 25yrs of marriage I`d be right at least once
I am not acting childish and you`re just a big doody-head.
Would you like to donate $1 to this charity or leave the checkout line feeling like human scum?
You have got to have worse hand-eye coordination than a lama on crack
They say women only use 10% of their anger
I can’t even imagine the self control required to work at a bubble wrap factory.
Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
I got a free wallet and watch today. It`s like this gun is magic.
No, an erection is not considered personal growth.
If your single and you know it…Pet your cat!
Do homeless people get Knock Knock Jokes?
I`m not giving the kids a time out. I`m giving myself one. The thought of sitting in a corner & being ignored sounds just heavenly.
Just got back from the car dealership and long story short, I`m now the proud owner of a giant circus tent.
My ex says that he will dance on my grave. I`ve now arranged to be buried at sea
I dont hate you but, if you put `just about to jump off a cliff` as your facebook statuses i would poke you