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When a woman asks you to guess her age, it`s like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb
Happy Saturday… the day you can put as much booze into your coffee as you’d like to put in on Monday.
All I`m saying is, I`ve never seen my ex and Satan in the same room together.
I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them
WOW! This gym thing is a lot harder than it looked on Instagram.
If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared.
when a girl says "whatever" what she really means "I hope you get shot, fall off a bridge, get raped by a shark, and then eaten by it
I really like my new electric toothbrush, even though sometimes, I still break out the acoustic.
Have you ever laughed so hard that no sound comes out and you sit there clapping your hands like a retarded seal?
I was going to do some spring cleaning, but the snow has ruined it for me.
I came home from the gym today staggering and sweating after pushing my body to the limit ... And all I did was sign up.
After 6 years, is it still all Bush`s fault or has it been reduced to "Unfortunate circumstances under no one`s control"?..............
"I understand your logic, but let`s try to look at this more emotionally." - women
I want to take this moment to thank the depends adult diaper company for allowing me to play my video game for a strait 8 hours uninterupted...
Two things everybody wants: 1) Lose weight. 2) Eat.