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I`m a good singer. Unfortunately I have a bad voice.
When someone ask me... How are you?... I answer back... You mean in bed?
I am not the same person at 8am and 8pm.
Somehow the talk went a little wrong with my 7 year old and now he`s convinced that birds have sex with bees and now he won`t eat honey.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as Kraft singles?
My key to happiness is probably lost somewhere in the junk drawer.
I feel like Frosted Flakes gives kids an unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal.
Sometimes when it rains I go outside with a cocktail umbrella and pretend I`m a Giant.
For over 20 years, I thought Bon Jovi gave love a Band-Aid
Some of you ladies need to ease up on the makeup until we get this clown situation resolved.
Dear eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11, and birthday candles ... Do your damn job.
Being in the doghouse isn`t so bad if there`s enough beer in the bowl.
I would like my FB friends to know that the opinions and comments I make on FB in no way reflect the actual thoughts, opinions or actions of me, or my family. Its all for fun. The only posts that I actually mean are the same ones you agree with.
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner ... EVER!
Tequila is Spanish for Iām open to waking up anywhere.