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There could be a ghost aggressively breakdancing next to you right now, and you`d have no Idea...
Facebook is like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there`s anything good in it
Life is tough. It’s even tougher if you’re stupid.
Everyday I run into someone who pushes me past the limits of my medication.
Her dad said he`d like to see me make an honest woman out of her. I had to resist the urge to tell him that ship sailed long before me.
If you tickle me, I’m not responsible for your injuries.
You know you are desperate for an answer when you look at the second page of Google.
I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!
The older I get the better I used to be.
Is it ok to ask a very pregnant librarian if she`s overdue?
How dumb is that family if Mrs. Doubtfire can fool them a second time?
Releasing a long silent fart as I walk through first class on the way to my economy seat is definitely my favorite part of boarding an aircraft.
If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell
Scariest Moment: Flushing the toilet at someone else’s house, and seeing the water rise…
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.