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I would like to discuss tennis but I wouldn`t want to cause a racket
These last 7 hours at work are always the longest.
Don`t do drugs. Become a Pop star and they give `em to you FOR FREE!
I`m not saying your house is haunted, but I think a ghost just ate all of your Gummy Bears while you were in the bathroom.
Every once in a while I check up on people I hate to make sure I still hate them… I do.
Ever update an app and realize the "fixed issues" were all a lie and it will never be the same? That`s what going back to an ex is like.
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
Send prayers. Laura on Facebook didn`t realize she was out of syrup until AFTER the pancakes were made! It`s causing quite a stir...
Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.
I lost my mood ring today. Not sure how to feel about it
People who eat grapes are impatient alcoholics
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside!
It takes so much self control for me not to write, "you sure about that?" under Facebook engagement announcements.
I just don`t think a partridge in a pear tree would make a great gift
"Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it." -Me lying to someone who`s pointing out a constellation