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Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
I think that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs.
Men are like dogs. We`re excited to see you, and we have no idea what you`re mad about.
Just...sitting...thinking...planning my next move to get that new roll of toilet paper about 5 feet away from me.
I wish we could donate body fat to those in need.
"what doesnt kill u makes u smaller" -mario Lol
I took my family to Sea World this weekend, but i wasnt allowed in. Apparently you cant take your fishing rod.
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
Depression is just your body`s way of saying it needs more orgasms.
How long do I have to stand in front of the microwave for to become a member of X-Men?
Dear women at Walmart with 6 screaming kids: if your wondering how that box of condoms got in your cart.... Your welcome!
Any convenience store that requires the customer to wear pants isn’t convenient at all.
Sometimes I think "Screw this ... I`ll just be a stripper!"
Sweating is for people who do stuff.