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Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
Non alcoholic beer is like a porn movie on the radio
MAN LAW 101: No man should ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
Lazy Fact #69302246777573 - You were too lazy to read that number.
No one is ever bored enough to start studying.
Everytime I find the key to happiness, somebody changes the lock.
I`m having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... ok by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
The bright side of getting attacked by a Cyclops is only having to use half the pepper spray.
YOU KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!
This jar of peanut butter says "may contain nuts" on it. Remember when survival of the fittest was a thing? Good times.
A guy knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
Vampire selfies are just phones floating in front of bathroom mirrors.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
How do we not have lightsabers yet? Its like scientists aren´t even trying.
All through school I assumed they saved the number 1 pencils for the smart kids