Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I bought a $300 dollar tent so I can camp outside Best Buy for 3 days to save $20 on a TV.
Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?
I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to them.
I`m glad the Dentist calls me the day before to remind me to cancel my appointment.
I`m not funny, I`m just really mean and people think I`m joking.
I feel bad for the photons that travel 93 million miles from the sun and then have to bounce off your stupid face.
A woman saying "I`m not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won`t feel a thing."
I can`t unfriend you because I really enjoy watching the disaster that is your life.
Took my 3rd self-defense class, so if anyone feels like attacking me straight on, very slowly, w/ a fake knife in their right hand, BRING IT
Why are there no owls here? I Was lead to believe there would by owls here. #hooters
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!
Golf is finally starting to pay off. I just signed a contract with Nike for a large sum of money in return for agreeing never to be seen playing with any of their equipment.
If I had a crystal ball to see 5 years in the future, I would have 2020 vision.
I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn`t in a band.
I’m not saying I need to manscape, but when I get an erection it looks like Pinocchio has joined the Taliban.