Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I think the only way I’ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I’m in prison.
Sometimes I`m completely inconsiderate to other peoples feelings. And other times I`m asleep.
To be truthful from deep down ... I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
Karma is like a rubber-band: it can only stretch so far before it comes back and smacks you in the face.
Don`t judge. Maybe I`m conducting a study of the effects of prolonged laziness on a human body. You don`t know.
It`s a little known made up fact of mine that 40% of the air inside a Taco Bell is just farts.
sometimes... late at night... i rearrange traffic signs. people need to be challenged.
I put a bumper sticker that says "Honk if You Think I`m Sexy" on my car. Then I wait at green lights until I feel better about myself.
The Internet: where no one is afraid to say the first thing that pops into their head.
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and then six months later you have to do it all over again.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
I`m really sick of responsibility ... and underwear
Full disclosure: All my statuses with less than 3 likes were made by my intern.
If one door closes and another one opens, seek help your house is haunted.
The 4 stages of a relationship: 1. I like you 2. I love you 3. I hate you 4. Arson