Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When the zombie apocalypse hits, I know EXACTLY who I`m tripping first...
How many men does it take to open a beer? None! It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
363 shopping days `til Christmas and some people already have their lights up.
I think there’s finally enough stuff in my kitchen junk drawer to build a spaceship.
Debt doesn`t buy happiness either.
Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while waiting.
If it wasn’t for caffeine I wouldn’t be a functioning member of society.
Man, that .01% of germs that can´t be killed by hand sanitizer must be some bad a$$ sh!t
Day 1. I am thankful that I haven`t fallen into the trap of Facebook thankful status updates.
When I started out, I was young and idealistic, I wanted a Career and to make a difference in the World, but it turned out that I only wanted Paychecks........
I am now convinced that the homeless people have all of the shopping carts that do not have the wobbly wheels.
Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?
For someone who can`t put on a pair of socks without falling over, I sure do manage to get a lot done every day.
Thank God for Facebook otherwise we would never know what fireworks look like.
Thanks to the words “dude”, “bro”, and “man”, I haven’t said my best friends name in 10 years.