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I love my toilet. We`ve been through alot of sh!t together.
My kids don`t even know they have a grandma that gives them $100 on their birthdays
We have those sticky traps all around the house and I just found one moved clear across the room with all sorts of hair on it....so if anyone see`s a BALD mouse running around, it belongs to me
It`s so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
After a while you just get used to people not understanding.
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day............ Palm Sunday is just around the corner
I`m a multi-taking procrastinator. I can put off all kinds of things all at once.
I did a half hour on the treadmill each day last week. This week, I`m up to 1 hour a day. I`m slowly building up to actually turning it on some time in the future.
Don`t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I`ve changed since then.
I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out.
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
If you loose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
My "To Do" list today only had one entry: "Nothing". And it took me all day to finish it!
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.
I was trying to think of something really deep to post on Facebook this morning. The Mariana Trench comes to mind.