Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It doesn`t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full. There`s clearly room for more Alcohol
I wouldn`t mind being alone with my thoughts, if I didn`t know them all so well.
Famous people could rob banks wearing masks of themselves and they`d never get caught.
I like having an ex ...it gives me something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning.
If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
I don`t get enough credit for not going on killing sprees.
Word of advice. If your wife or girlfriend ever asks "hypothetically speaking, if I was to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which of my friends would you pick to join in?" Never give two names......ever.
I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of your eye but half the time there is anything in my eye its an eyelash!
How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?
Have I been drinking? Clearly officer, you`re no detective
Just stopped by my old high school and updated my phone number on all the bathroom stalls.
Netflix would be by far the best dating site. "Here are 9 other singles in your area who have also watched Pokemon for 12 straight hrs"
People often mistake me for being a good listener. The truth is, I really just don`t want to talk.
There`s not much more gratifying than seeing a chick who thinks she`s super hot trip on her high heels.
Wonder what my couch is doing right now.