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If you make something easier for yourself they call you lazy. If you make something easier for everyone else they call you a genius.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
I’m the kind of girl that would eat Doritos on her wedding day & accidentally wipe her hands on her dress.
If men could have multiple orgasms, lotions would cost more than an iPhone.
My internet goes out more than I do.
I`m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
I know it’s “cool” to make fun of celebrities, but the Bieber jokes need to stop. That’s somebody’s daughter.
that strange moment when you get in the van and theres no candy...-Drew Balthaser
Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair. Made of steel. Twice. From Hulk. On adrenaline rush.
After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
Surveys say 1 out of every 2 people suck at math. It`s terrible that 80% of the population can`t even do the easiest calculations.
"it`s the thought that counts" doesn`t include showering. You have to actually do that.
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium
I wouldn`t do much for a Klondike Bar; I would however get naked for beer.
Why do people walk by and say "Hi, how are you?" but they don`t stop long enough for you to reply!