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Girl: What`s the plan, get me drunk and take advantage of me. Boy: Good, you`ve done this before
A fun way to give your man a little scare is to ask him, "Do you know what tomorrow is?" and watch the panic set in.
I`m first world poor. That means I have a smart phone and laptop that I use to go online and see that I have no money in my bank account.
Imagine how much faster Olympic sprinters could run if they saw their wives going through their phones at the finish line
I`m not lazy. I`m just highly motivated to not do anything.
I`m giving up abbreviations for Lent. Laugh Out Loud
I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I`d highly recommend Fight Club.
"I`m glad the weekends over" -Nobody ever
Dear Dr Phil, I was watching my next door neighbor`s wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was enjoying myself I turned to notice my lady was just standing there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert?
I was chasing my dreams, but I tripped over reality and busted my head on the truth.
You say hangover. I say out of booze.
When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can`t get any worse, please remember...I don`t give a s$it.
There is no vulnerable feeling like when you are about to sneeze ... with a mouthful of rice.
If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple `Thank you.` is all I need! Not all this `How did you get in my house?` business!