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If I had a dollar for every girl that told me I was unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
If suppositories were just a bit smaller, they would be a whole lot easier to swallow...........................
Hi I’m a spider & I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you can.
Birth Control Pills should be for men. It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.
Tequila. For those nights you just want to pretend she`s hot.
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out
My moral in life is simple. You treat me good and I`ll treat you better.
Getting drunk and listening to loud music solves 87% of all life`s problems
My love is like a candle, If you forget about me, I`ll burn your frikin house down!
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
Last night a movie theatre was robbed of $1000. The thieves took one large bag of popcorn, a combo meal, and a box of milk duds.
90% of parenting is just screaming at your kids to stop screaming.
Being an adult is 99% wondering how you hurt your back.
A fear of mine is a proctologist with poor depth perception!
No really I`m fine, I have drugs and alcohol to block out reality, but thanks anyway...