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Every time i see a person kneeling over tying their shoe, i run up behind them and hop over them to try and get a game of leapfrog going.
Someday, I hope to be so rich that I`ll never be happy again.
Dear Graduates: Congratulations on making it through the easiest part of your life!
"I love Justin bieber" well I love McDonalds but you don`t see me making an account pretending to be a f*cking chicken nugget do you...
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren`t in the database.
When I bust a move , it stays busted.
I`m not saying that I`ve been online too long, I`m just saying that when I close my eyes I scroll through my thoughts
Why is it called tourist season if we can`t shoot them?
Amazing how many people just stroll into tattoo parlors and say "Give me the dumbest thing you can think of."
Things you need to know about me: 1- I`m lazy 2- hmm, one is enough
Being an adult is a lot like going to the vet. We`re all excited for the ride until we realize what it`s like where we`re going.
The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor.
If I`m guilty of anything it`s loving you too much. Oh and indecent exposure...I suppose trespassing too.
Im thinking, The best part about sitting down at the computer for a minute and making a status message like this is that by the time you`ve finished reading it and taking a minute out of your day you`ll have a brand sense of enlightenment and awareness that you never had before once you realize that there is absolutely no point to this post whatsoever.
I like my coffee like I like my men: caffeinated, made of beans, muscular, tousled hair, you know what, I don`t really know how to do this..