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Some relationships are like fat people, they don`t Workout!!
Today I made sushi at home for the first time. I subsituted a hotdog for the raw tuna, a bun for the rice, and mustard for the wasabi!
I always try to behave on Friday nights but there are usually too many other options.
People who say 45 minutes past the hour must be the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 month olds
No thanks, marriage. If I wanted to stop getting laid I would just start wearing crocs.
If someone says "I`m a sub-par golfer" does that mean they`re good at golf, or bad?
You`ve got to love yourself ... Just not in public places
I got 99 problems but a least my name aint North West.
I`m at the facebook saloon, drinking all night long
Why doesn`t someone invent a clear toaster? Then you could see how toasted your toast is while it`s toasting.
When I hear someone say they hear voices in their head, I wonder if they’re just thinking for the first time.
Remember, I`m always here if you need shoulders for your ankles to lie on.
Surveys say 1 out of every 2 people suck at math. It`s terrible that 80% of the population can`t even do the easiest calculations.
You’re one of those women that my mom warned me about…Here’s my number.
You never really know if you`re over someone until you`re in the car and they`re in the crosswalk.