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No thanks, alcohol free mouthwash, my life is depressing enough.
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
Match dot com, but for socks.
So how many women out there think men are pigs? Gimme a show of tits!
Don`t care what your religious or political beliefs are, if you`re male or female, young or old. I will tackle you hard for that last donut.
Oh I thought it was wait 30 YEARS after eating before you exercise.
I`m not a father, but I have been called "daddy" a few times.
If I had a dollar for everytime I was distracted, look squirrel!
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
Please, please don`t be a bitch to me. Because then I`ll have to be a bitch back and I can do it better than you.
Decided to get in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich!
If Facebook isn’t a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it.
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don`t try to run her life and I don`t try to run mine.