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How to make friends: 1. Tell people you have weed.
Occasionally, I like to agree with a man just to watch the look of fear, confusion and nervous-anxiety.
My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don`t run into anyone you know.
Is there another word for synonym?
I Don’t answer text messages right when I get them so I don’t seem desperate. Then, I forget about them and never respond.
I`m obviously smarter than you`re
I`m glad I`ve got boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me
Sometimes I feel like a loser for spending so much time on Facebook. Then I remember there are people out there who comment on pornhub videos
My hearing is fine. There`s no need to repeat yourself! I ignored you perfectly well the first time.
The relationship was going so well until I left my phone unlocked.
I need a better plan of action when my phone rings than throwing it.
If the universe didn`t want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn`t have four slots on my toaster...
A woman saying "I`m not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won`t feel a thing."
I don`t mean to brag, but my posts are enjoyed by well over 20 people worldwide...
As a kid, I used to be afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I’m terrified of the electricity bill.