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I accidentally wore green today. And I probably will be drunk later but NOT because it`s St. Patrick`s Day, because it`s Monday.
My kids refuses to play with the Ouija Board anymore because every time we play, it spells out CLEAN YOUR ROOM.
People that say “money doesn’t buy happiness” obviously have never been divorced.
The nice thing about being single is when you`re setting the silverware, it doesn`t matter which side you put the remote on.
Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
Sometime when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
Love your neighbor, but don`t get caught...
Every night before bed I do this cute little thing where I stare at the Internet for 6.5 hours
Christmas time always make me blue :-(( and then red, then green, then oh wow.. presents...
It`s funny how things change when you get older. It seems like just yesterday I would spend my evenings on the front porch and treat myself to some killer weed. Now I spend my
I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.
I bet if you look up dictionary in the dictionary it says "don`t be an a$$hole"
I had your cake and ate it too.
They say 15 minutes of exercise every day will add 3 years to your life. The problem is that it adds the 3 years to your 80s not your 30s.
I went frisbee golfing today. I didn`t get an ace, but I did hit a guy and that was just as satisfying.