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real eyes realize real lies
To whom it may concern: I need more money and power ... ASAP thanks!
"Man, you know your bible verses forwards and backwards" - said no one ever
Calm down! I`m not officially late until I actually get there.
I`m selling my browser history on eBay before the government does.
Find a penny pick it up and all day long you`ll have good luck. Or some kind of virus because pennies are dirty and gross.
I made a New Years Resolution to gain 20 lbs, so I can relish in the sense of accomplishment and success!
The first rule of Women`s fight club is don`t tell anyone what you`re mad about or why you`re fighting.
It`s all good and well until the fecal matter impacts the electric powered air current generation device.....
The mechanic asked if I wanted my tires rotated and I was like, "No thanks, I`m pretty sure they do that all by themselves while I`m driving"
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
There is no logical reason why short pants should cost the same as long pants.
I wondered how smokers could afford them, until I realized they don`t have to save for retirement..
FYI: I`m never gonna tell the person I`m meeting up with that you said hi.