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I don’t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it.
Nice try Jehovah’s Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door.
I hate the snow so much, I want to build a snowman just so I can punch it in its face.
I was an adult once. Then I opened a Facebook account.
Few things are creepier than someone saying "I know" after you introduce yourself.
Women say they love a man in uniform but when i go clubbing in my McDonalds uniform none of them will talk to me....I`m confused
You`re never too old to learn stupid sh!t
The monent of triumph when your bag is the first off the plane.
Why do hospitals need to advertise? It`s not like I`m going to go to Home Depot instead.
(Apocalyptic world) "Well guys......there goes our last female"
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
Nothing screws up your Friday more than realizing it’s only Tuesday.
I`ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones
Letting my dad play Angry Birds on my iPad is like showing a caveman fire.
Being a woman should count as a pre-existing mental condition.