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I didn`t get a chance to do yoga this morning or any other morning of my life.
Peyton Manning saw his shadow this morning...that means six more weeks of bad Papa Johns commercials.
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
I`m gaining weight for my role as "Before picture"
If cats had wings, they would still just lay there.
I found my wife through online dating. So, she`s definitely got some explaining to do!
The grass was greener on the other side, so we smoked it.
If you are what you eat then where is this place that a ton of people are eating stupid?
Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I`ll never get to touch.
I feel like I have not told enough people lately to kiss my mother f*cking a$$.
Next time some one does something REALLY stupid, just smack them and say, "Man, did you see the size of that bug?"
I don’t make mistakes too often, but when I do it’s your fault.
I would like my FB friends to know that the opinions and comments I make on FB in no way reflect the actual thoughts, opinions or actions of me, or my family. Its all for fun. The only posts that I actually mean are the same ones you agree with.
Keep your friends close and your enemies tied to a train track.
Ever wish the choice you made and the “right thing to do” were the same thing?