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Exercise... the poor person`s plastic surgery
I really wish Walmart had a 10 teeth or more line...
like this if you are against animal cruelty
I said "Candyman" 5 times into the bathroom mirror and sure enough some woman came out of the stall and screamed at me for being in there.
Homeless people should make more creative signs like "I bet you can`t hit me with a quarter...b!tch!"
llllllloooollllll...........................i saw a donkey on a bike
Ohh sh!t, my b!tch button is stuck.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it`s just a cake?
This Kit Kat commercial is making some awfully big assumptions about both my generosity and my number of friends.
My anaconda really doesn`t care if you got buns or not.
I don`t always say I`m never drinking again, but when I do, I`m a f*cking liar.
Pregreening - creeping forward while waiting for a red light to change.
Next time some one does something REALLY stupid, just smack them and say, "Man, did you see the size of that bug?"
I was just watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury.. No worries, I should be okay in a couple of days..
If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me.