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Hope I never go to jail, because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2003.
Pepper spray: The perfect way to end an annoyingly long conversation.
The further you push me away, the more I begin to enjoy viewing you from a distance.
"Please don`t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby
I love my friends unconditionally.* *Certain terms and conditions may apply. May not be available on all days. Coverage not available in all locations.Offer good for 30 days.Requires two-year minimum agreement. Fees applied for activation and early termination.
Sorry I can`t go out tonight, I can`t find anyone to cover my Facebook shift.
Jesus said to love your neighbour like you love yourself. Thats a nice saying but if Martin from next door thinks he`s getting a handjob he can f*ck off!
Monday :`( Tuesday :-( Wednesday :- Thursday :-/ Friday :-| Saturday :-) Sunday B-)
I could be a morning person....if morning happened around noon.
Friends are like slinkys, they are twisted as heck but you can`t help but laugh when they fall down the stairs.
What`s this g-mail? I just got used to e-mail. And why did they skip f-mail?
I lost my ladder when I was very young but I was fortunate to have such a great step-ladder to raise me ...anytime I couldn`t reach anything
Don´t you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn´t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.
When ever I think about the past...It brings back so many memories
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.