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What kind of paperwork do I need to fill out to get a permit to set my children free in the wild?
Guys: Bet a female friend that she can’t touch her bellybutton with both elbows. Enjoy the view.
Its all sh!ts and giggles until someone giggles and sh!ts
I`d rather have my arms fall off than make two trips carrying in groceries.
Weird that we don`t see more pants on fire
Time is precious ... waste it wisely!
What is this `wrong hole` you people speak of?
Taking a nap is always so risky like when will I wake up... In 30 minutes? in 3 hours? in 9 years?? no one can be sure
Always believe a woman when she says, "you don`t really wanna know"
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
It`s damn funny when a wife think`s she`s punishing her husband by not talking to him for days..
Facebook keeps telling me people are following me. But, every time I look behide me there`s nobody there? Why does facebook keep lying to me?
When one door closes another one opens. Or you could just re-open the closed door. Because that’s how doors work.
With my eyes. That`s how I roll.
Nothing is truly lost until your mom can`t find it.