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I decided to go on a road trip and not come back till I ran out of money... I made it to the end of the driveway.
Whenever someone tells me they like country music, I just look them in the eyes and ask "which country?"
Told my kids next time I take their electronics away I`d also be responding to all texts they receive. They`ve been well behaved since.
Before McDonald`s I bet "don`t buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule.
No heel is too high when pointed up at the ceiling.
I don’t know how Godzilla doesn’t hurt himself. I once had to go to the emergency room after stepping on a Lego piece.
was on the treadmill for over an hour and I must say it is much easier with roller blades
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
I really want to see you tonight. So could you please leave the blinds up and the curtains open?
Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.
There`s nothing more terrifying than accidentally making eye contact with a mall kiosk worker.
I inherited my dad`s sense of humor. He`s not funny either.
This is odd?!?! The hour we lost this weekend was the one when I was planning to go to the gym.
If the liquor store didn`t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?