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You all take typos way too serious, you gays.
If anyone asks, I`m drinking all this wine to collect corks for a pinterest project.
My roommate is on a date and said he`s convinced she`s coming home with him tonight. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters. Now we wait.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of planes.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you
Grown up pandas eat for 12 hours a day. In related news, it turns out I’m not fat. I’m a panda.
Where is the "Made In China" labels made?
Well h€ll, I was going to post a status about my p€cker, but it was too long.
Fat, single and ready for a Pringle.
Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card.
Teacher: Have a seat! Student: Thanks! *picks up the chair and leaves* -- (°_°)
Ladies, I hate to break this to you, but curves and rolls are not the same thing.
A homeless man told me he hadn`t had a bite in weeks, so I bit him.
Thought I saw a kangaroo today but turned out to be a greyhound having a dump !
scientific fact: never tell a woman she`s crazy unless you want to see crazy.