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Birth Control Pills should be for men. It makes much more sense to unload a gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.
My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
Women say they love nerds until you whip out your Pokemon cards.
"Just Be yourself" is something I rarely hear from people who know me well.
If there`s no god then how do you explain yoga pants?
Have you ever just sat there and realized how weird you are?
Well, it`s about that time of the day when I stop hitting the snooze button, wipe away the drool, open the blinds, and head on home from work.
My body is made up of 90% water, 5% pizza and 5% wine.
My girlfriend is now mad at me because I didn’t know why she was mad at me.
I would be a great procrastinator ... if I could ever get around to it.
I hate when you tell someone you’re bored, and they suggest getting together. Then you have to explain that you’re not quite that bored.
It`s a lot easier to chuck a co-worker in the dumpster than it is to listen to his problems.
People says nothing is imposible.. But i do nothing everyday!!
when in Rome get naked ;)
That moment of shame when an automatic door doesn`t open for you