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Geez. I make one little mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
Ever have the experience of staring at an outfit hanging in your closet and wondering which of the personalities did the shopping that day?
You poor thing. You don`t even realize you`re batsh!t crazy, do you?
I`m ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar.
I don’t mean to alarm you but you know those people in your office that can’t work the fax machine? They’re driving home on the same roads.
I did responsible things all day so tonight will consist of nothing that even resembles responsibility.
Dog Found: Now we are bros, so he`s staying. Don`t call, don`t make it weird.
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny, AND thin ... It`s a public service really.
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
If I can`t convince you, I will sure as hell confuse you.
I bet cats are mad they can’t sit on televisions anymore.
I could spend my day outside, but I`m sure there`s plenty of porn that needs to be rated.
I got carded at the liquor store. While getting my ID out my Blockbuster card fell out. He laughed and said "Never mind."
"Oh!Look The Smurfs Grew Up!"Grandma those are Avatars." -_-
This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.