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Hurricane preparedness tip: 1. Buy several kegs of beer 2. Drink beer 3. Wait for flooding 4. Drop kegs in water 5. Float to safety....
Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring ... so I go back to being me. ;)
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
I drank an energy drink so if anyone needs help packing, pushing your car to a gas station or shaking the leaves off a tree
If the conversation gets too serious and uncomfortable, take your pants off.
Didn`t sleep much but I got a few solid hours of worrying done.
I spent at least half an hour trying to get my girlfriends bra off. I will never try wearing that again.
"Paypal me your lunch money!" -Cyber Bullies
Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
I started to compliment my neighbors on their new wallpaper but then I realized they can`t hear me through binoculars.
WHEW! I just had a near-work experience.
Everyone picks their nose at some point, it`s what you choose to do next that defines who you are as a person.
Wish there were more love songs about naps and liqour.
Im just waiting for the day for Ashton Kutcher to go to Charlie Sheen and say "its stilll your show. YOU JUST BEEN PUNK`D!"
I did a terrible job preparing for my Blue Man Group audition and boy is my face red