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Don`t let the door hit you on the way out ... Hell, who am I kidding, I hope it hits you and knocks you down the f*cking stairs.
Just got a message that said "Hey, I tried to call you"...that`s your problem right there....you should have never tried that.
Turkish ruler Erdogan was at the White House this week. Sources say he arrived very early so he could beat the crowd.
It`s actually pretty impressive how many poor decisions I can fit in a day.
My neck, my back. My pizza and my snacks.
OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!
Most of you like waking up in the morning to see the "comments" and "likes" that your status received. I like waking up in the morning to see WTF I posted!
I refuse to jump on the `I hate Mondays` bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally
Gun Control: Use both hands
I think a good gauge of my personality is that I watch Homeland to relax.
I love when bill collectors ask if you can borrow the money...uh I did that before and I think we both know how that turned out.
Do whatever you want, and if it`s something you`re going to regret in the morning, sleep late.
When asked how I take my coffee, I reply with, "Seriously. Very seriously."
You can`t be late until you show up
I`m going to become a hermit as soon as I find a cave with a decent wifi connection.