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99% sure my soulmate is a piece of pizza.
iOS 8 let`s you passcode lock specific apps? It`s fun imagining how many break ups that will cause.
Happy President`s day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
Two Best Advices For Safe Life : 1. Always Speak The Truth, No Matter How Bitter Harsh It Is ... 2. Run Immediately After Saying It..
I like when videogames limit how many things you can hold. "You have 100 items in an invisible bag. Carrying another would be unrealistic"
As a child, my mom told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks, why is there a light in the fridge??
Just spent the last 30 minutes cutting a Batman mask off the back of a box of Honey Nut Cheerios & my kid thinks he`s gonna get to wear it.
Keep reaching for the stars but get a better deodorant.
I wish Facebook would notify me when people deleted me, that way I could like it
9 out of 10 times, if you call the 1-800 number printed on a consumer product, the person who answers won`t tell you what they`re wearing.
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
My grandfather once waited in line for 36 hours to get a loaf of bread and I can`t wait two seconds for a Youtube video to load.
If it`s true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?