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I have one question about Insanity, "Are we there yet"?
People who say 45 minutes past the hour must be the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 month olds
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. “My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl.”
Sex is like pizza, if you`re going to use bbq sauce you better know what the f*ck you`re doing
You are living proof that the Lord is testing me.
My favorite beer is an open one.
One day I will solve all problems with grace & maturity. Today is not that day...
When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs.
Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don`t want to look at you.
feels guilty for not spending more time with my kids. I should really get them a Facebook account.
Been coughing all night & day, can`t seem to stop. Guess I should go see a movie.
I`m not worried about the zombie apocalypse that is coming. I`m worried about the fcuktard apocalypse that is here right now.
If you would`ve told me back in 1999 that we`d still be using animated gifs in 2015, I would`ve said "Wow, what a boring conversation"
I`m starting a pay it backward campaign. When I get up to the drive through window I tell them that the car behind me is going to pay for it.
My plans for GTA 5: Beat the crap outta people, Steal a cops gun, Jack a convertible, Rob a bank, Jump off a building, Go to GameStop, Buy GTA 5