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When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you´re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for.
Alcohol won’t solve your problems, but neither does milk or orange juice.
Life is harder for the beautiful people. I’m sorry you’ll never know.
Sometimes to much to drink is never enough
I`m late on the give thanks every day in November thing... so let me catch up. Days 1-22. I`m thankful for boobs
I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
People are always gonna talk about you, so you might as well give them something good to say.
Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.
I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.
If my body is EVER found dead on a designated jogging trail.. Just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.. :|
am feeling lazy......... jst like the guy who desighned the Japannese flag
There are two rules to success in life - 1. Don`t tell people everything you know
Whenever I fill out a job application with a box for "Race," I add a question mark and then write, "Anytime. Anywhere."
It kinda makes sense that the target audience for fidget spinners lost interest in them so quickly
I get more cleaning done in the ten minutes before someone comes over than I do in a week.