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that moment when autocorrect decides to ruin you and makes a text incredibly awkward.
Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
I know the voices aren`t real but they have some great ideas.
Just rescued a Coca Cola that was trapped in the fridge!
Three guys walk into a bar. Two ended up with a concussion, the other needed 4 stitches.
A new heavy metal Christian Rock band will soon be releasing their debut album. They`re called Nuns `n` Moses.
Facebook should just change it`s name to "People You May Want to Avoid."
Currently under the influence of cold and flu medicine...my actions can not be held against me!
Curious that it`s always a female computer voice that calmly announces self-destruct sequences and other violent disasters.
I`m so good, I scream my own name out during sex.
Gently placing your finger on someone’s lips and saying, “Shh, not another word,” is super romantic but cops don’t seem to think so.
Farts are just ghosts of things that we ate. ;D
One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or complain. But it was a long time ago, and it was just for that one day.
My Status updates are so great people hit the like button twice
I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I KNOW HOW TO HIDE A DEAD BODY