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Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
Dear Friday, I`m ready !!!
Boy if these walls could talk I`d be like "HOLY SH!T TALKING WALLS"
I`m the kind of crazy you weren`t warned about because no one knew this level existed.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She is nine-seven now, and we don`t know where they hell she is.
Honestly, I’ver never see anyone fall because of a banana.
My sister says god`s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, so I bought her a vibrator because she`s obviously never had an orgasm.
Legos are practice for when you get older & buy Ikea furniture
Guys...dont mess up and buy her the wrong brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day this year. Spend a little extra for a really good one ... Just tring to help.
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
Why is it that whenever you dial a wrong number, somebody always answers?
I make a great second impression.
10 million people share the same birthday as you. Your personalized horoscope means sh!t.
I`m in no shape to exercise patience!
The wifes exhausted as she`s had some hot steamy action lately, But at least the ironing basket is empty