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"I woke up with morning wood. She woke up with morning wouldn`t."
I hate girls who insert the phrase "my boyfriend" into every conversation. So does my boyfriend.
They say that nobody is perfect, then they say that practice makes perfect. I wish they`d make up their mind
I bet Batman`s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he admits.
Let`s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
Whats the best part about dating a homeless chick, ..... You can drop her off anywhere
My favorite drinking game is drinking.
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
It`s 2014 and somehow we still don`t have a car mirror that can make objects appear exactly as far away as they are.
Plot twist: name your pets after passwords.
After I die, there are some people Iām going to haunt the sh!t out of.
Some of you need to be driven out to the country and released back into the wild
Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you`ll never go back" episode of Mythbusters.
FOR SALE: P90XĀ® home fitness kit, still in box, $50 or will trade for king size Snickers
One problem with auto-correct is that you always end up posting some thong you didn`t Nintendo.