Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I love my work, but I would also love to never have to do it again.
Humans pretend to be smart, but we still look at the ceiling when we hear a noise upstairs like we just developed x-ray vision.
Today is National Take Your Flask To Work Day. I just made it up. Tell the others.
I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
My will has a list of friends not allowed to speak at my funeral.
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
"Trust your gut" is terrible advice. How can I put trust in something that tells me to eat an entire pizza when I get drunk?
I didn`t give you the finger...you earned it.
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore.
The judge says I`m a repeat offender, but he always says that.
I have no time for stupid people But they sure seem to have time for me.
I remember when going viral meant having to tell several people they better get tested.
Why Couldn`t Snoop Dogg & Dr.Dre Get On The Bus ... Because They Forgot 50 Cent
I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
You know you had an awesome night when you need sunglasses to get food out the fridge.