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Things are finally looking up for me. This Victoria`s Secret catalog just told me this is going to be "your sexiest year ever."
I`ve just borrowed a book on surgery from my local library. Apparently someone`s taken the appendix out.
I wrote you this love poem: Here, just take my credit card.
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I have explosive diarrhea right now,"
I`ve got good news and bad news. The good news is this status is almost over. The bad news is you read the whole thing.
FYI: Real hippos at the zoo don’t eat marbles. They should post a sign or something.
It’s all fun and games until they reply to your text with a phone call.
My "Do Not Disturb" facial expression is not working today.
Women have closets full of `I have nothing to wear.`
Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what`s your plan? ;)
Seen it all, done it all, can´t remember most of it.
I like how Reese`s come with two peanut butter cups in the package. That way I can eat one now and then the other one right afterwards.
Maybe I`m not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule
A dating site based on Netflix viewing compatibility.
“Nothing is impossible.” I disagree. I’m doing nothing right now… it’s totally possible.