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If you think you aren`t creative, buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it.
Congratulations! You’ve just read this sentence.
The Hobbit 2: we`ve still got a long way to walk
I`m glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It`s really come in handy this parallelogram season.
We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
I don’t understand how my house gets so messy when I literally sit in one spot with my phone all day.
I had no plans on looking sexy today, but sh!t happens.
i just caught a disease so rare that even i dont have it .
I bet it’s called Almond Milk, because no one would buy Nut Juice.
The best way to make a bad day better is by adding alcohol.
Things could be worse ... sex could be fattening
When life gives you lemons....throw them back and yell, "I wanted cookies!"
So apparently putting Alkaseltzer in my pocket while I`m getting baptized and pretending I`m the devil is not funny.
My chemistry teacher asked us what the heaviest metal was today. Apparently "Megadeath" was the wrong answer.
My "Kiss me, I`m Irish" shirt only seems to be working on my dog.