Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Please rephrase your question in the form of a compliment.
Are the ATF and border patrols also shutdown? Asking for a Mexican friend....
One thing I`ve learned about women is they prefer that I don`t speak
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
Say what you will about women but I think being able to turn one sentence into a six hour argument takes talent.
Nothing tests that whole "for better or worse" thing like the question "does this look infected?"
When my kids grow up, I`m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I`m bored & then just leave!
Someone’s going to ruin things; it might as well be me.
Either my cat is speaking English or that was not a vitamin I took....
Two wrongs may not make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
When someone says "Happy New Years" I wonder, how many years are they talking about?
I`m 50% sure this cross eyed guy is starring at my tits.
Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE” !! I’m happy to report that I succeeded…
There are only 53 days until Christmas... just a heads-up in case you haven`t shopped for me yet.
I pretty much spend all day, every day, just looking forward to going back to sleep.