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What idiot called it the sun instead of a space heater?
The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
I’m not a marketing expert. But if I was selling milk, the cartons would be boob shaped.
I fell asleep on the couch last night & woke up thinking I was married.
Happy Hallogivemas!!!!!! It`s the time of year when the stores sell Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas stuff all on ONE aisle!
I can already tell it`s going to be another one of those mornings where I`m not rich and famous.
I just read that burglars use Facebook to see when people aren’t home. So from now on, I’m at home. With a rifle. And a hungry crocodile.
I`m not a mechanic so I don`t know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people.
How awesome would it be if boobs made maraca sounds when you shook them? LOL
I’ve decided to get rid of my bad habits…just as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.
So many Jehovah`s Witnesses and yet still not a shred of Jehovah`s Evidence.
The older I get, the more I sympathize with Squidward`s anger.
Good morning friends … Wait … what the hell m I doing up this early?
You know there was a time in my life where I just didn`t give a f#ck.....funny how it seems that much hasn`t changed from an hour ago!!
I got a new high score today ... Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale