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When people ask me what I did over the weekend, I always squint and respond “Why, what did you hear?”
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons!! Enjoy the day
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
New kitchen game: `Fridge and Cupboard Tetris`- Putting the possibility of being pummeled by a food avalanche on a whole new level of adventure.
Ahhhh, bad credit…the best identity theft protection.
Roman Numerals...what are they good IV?
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
Ever wondered why there is a stairway to heaven, and a highway to hell? There´s apparently more traffic going to hell!!
Somehow, going into The Dollar Store and asking for a price check just never gets old.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.
Saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as “grabbing for swirling dollars inside a plexiglas Cash Cube.”
I use these ( ... ) a lot. For which, I believe, the technical term is Dotty Dot Dots.
The only way to communicate with a drunk person is to get hammered too.
You should never answer your phone during sex, particularly if it`s your wife calling.
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.