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I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.
Reverse Psychology: DO not STALK MY FB PAGE. YOU ARE not OBSESSED WITH ME...
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
Shout out to old people for graduating high school without Google.
B!tch, I will slap you by accident on purpose.
My job description does not include farting on everyone else`s office chairs but I still do it because INITIATIVE.
my phone battery lasts longer than relationships this days !
The skeletons in your closet are suggesting that you upgrade to a double wide, walk-in.
I don`t like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I`m leaving!
I`d publish my autobiography but it`s just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.
Coffee eyedrops! Another million dollar idea.
Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.
If they were really trying to prepare high school kids for “real life” they would offer a class called “working with a$$holes”
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect.
Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.